When you can't share with one person, share with everyone

Skins is a British show about a bunch of high schoolers and their lives. Their lives are full of drugs, alcohol, sex, and basically college, but condensed and run at full speed in hour long increments. The first two seasons were brilliant with a fantastic cast of young actors, and now the third season that I'm watching on netflix takes off with a new cast with the younger sister of one of the previous characters on the show in the new group of kids.

The first few episodes were so-so. The appropriate level of ridiculousness was there, but it was missing something. The episodes with the first cast had a unique completeness to them. Every episode ended with me asking for more. Every episode was like a night filled with drama in which you want to know the next day how it all works out because everything just hit the fan and you just have to see which walls get hit!

This third season did not have this. The characters did not have the depth that was so established in the characters of the first two seasons and every episode was very stand alone, without a connecting arc.

That was until I watched the forth episode. It had all of the over the top flair that the first cast had and ended in the classic "everyone loses, innocence lost" way that I loved form the first cast's seasons.

Plus, it had one of the most hilarious lines ever and I just had to share it with someone...anyone!

One girl to another: "Me, no muff muncher. Me cock cruncher."

Fantastic.

Pricked by a Rose, burned by Blush, and a return to Plan A

So my love life as of late has not gone as planned...or more like the plans changed so much there was no coherent plan.

So first there was the this one girl...let's call her Texas Rose. Now, Texas Rose and I had gone on a couple dates, kissed a couple times (literally) and I felt like there could be something (aside from the fact she was awesome and beautiful and I liked her) between us. But even I have to admit, in my heart of hearts, that there was something missing.

On our first date there was some spark missing. Now I was super sick, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the date felt more like work than a date. When you have a connection with someone, spending time with them should be effortless. It should flow like you've known each other forever.

We didn't have that. I began to wonder if there was no chemistry between us, which would have been a shame because she was gorgeous and awesome.

So then we had a second date and it was awesome! We stayed for over an hour after the bill came just talking. That spark was there!

And then everything cooled down...fast.

She was busy and never rescheduled for a 3rd date. So I invited myself along to a "friend date" with a friend of hers. Now, I know that sounds bad, but I knew this friend and I knew that both girls wouldn't mind if I as there since I knew them both.

So...we see this performance and then I'm walking her back to her place and she tells me that "I don't want to be rude, but..." warning lights already, but she said she had a paper to write and she couldn't let me in when we got to her place.

Cool.

Whatever.

I would have done it differently, but I'll go along with it. So we walk for another 10ft or so and she turns to me again and says, "And you know you don't have to walk me home either...right?"

Well fuck me sideways! It was then I realized that she had "FUCK OFF!" tattooed on her forehead and wished her the best on her paper and went on with the rest of my night.

My friends suggested I back off and let her come to me.

Ok.

She never did.

New plan: a friend...let's call her Blush (note, nicknames might be subject to change between stories) was newly single-ish and we used to have a thing. In my mind's eye now seemed like a better tie than not to start up our thing again. I told her I was coming to visit and another mutual friend was going to hangout with us also.

No prob. this mutual friend was 230% into the idea of us being together, so I saw this as encouragement. And hen this friend backed out.

Fucking perfect, a whole day with Blush and no one to get in the way. You couldn't ask for a better set-up.

And then the words of death. I asked Blush if it was to be just the two of us all day and she said "Yup! Just two SUPER PLATONIC BUDDIES!"

Well fuck me doubly sideways!!!

Shot down twice in the course of a few weeks.

One must persevere in times like this, so I am returning to Plan A. What is Plan A you might ask? Well, dear Watson, it is very elementary: get and oil job, move to Houston, set up a match(dot)com account, find love.

At least this way I can not care about next semester and regrow my beard.

:-)

Vindication via prostitutes!

I watch a show called Satisfaction. It is a Showtime Australia production about an upscale brothel in...I think Melbourne? The first and second seasons are on Netflix and I really enjoy it.

Showtime is one of those networks that says yes to nudity, while HBO "doesn't do that kinda shit". Just compare the series/shows they run and you'll no doubt find that the Showtime shows will always have more nudity.

And this being Showtime plus Australia means that nudity is taken to a very extreme everything-but-the-dangling-bits level. So it's fun.

Any who, the show is about the girls...women, who work at this high class brothel and in one episode the boyfriend of one of the girls cheats on her with another girl in the brothel (coke and booze may have been involved...not that that is an excuse) and it was quite shocking.

So the girl goes to her room mate (who is also an escort, but private and WAY more expensive) and asks if she should tell the girlfriend that she had slept with her boyfriend and the room mate responds with "Why would you do that? Do you hate her? Are you trying to destroy her?"

Thus bringing up something a wise man once said to me, which was that you never tell someone you've been cheating on them because though you may feel great to get it off your chest the person you were cheating on now feels like utter shit.

He doesn't like it when I quote him on that, but I felt it hilarious that his mantra was brought up on this show and thus his philosophy was vindicated by a prostitute!

He still hates it when I quote him on that.

The concept of parallel lines

We've all been here: one friend tells you something, usually very private or semi/mostly private. Being human you feel the need to share this info with someone.

Thus the issue: who to share it with. Obviously you made a pact with person A that the info will remain between you and them....but you need perspective and need/want to share it. But how?

You need to respect person A's wishes, but you need to pass along info. That whole deep seeded need and such.

So you turn to someone who doesn't know person A or...even better! Someone who knows person A, but never interacts with them. Thus creating the parallel pathway.

The parallel person knows what is going on . Knows who all the players involved are, but isn't involved and never will be.

This is a unique person. A favored confident. The one who you trust to not blow your spot when the time of calling calls.

These people may be spread out in your life, but in the end they keep your sanity in ridiculous situations and are there when you need perspective.

They rock. And in the end we love them so much for being there and being discrete while we do our things and stuff and they are there to secretly catch us and keep us going.

Morale of the story: secrets are meant to be kept...except when you have friends you trust who aren't involved. In which case, outside input+your own life experience=good advice for the friend who wanted the advice in the first place.

GPS FTW!!!

Today I went with a friend to return a rental car and then drive said friend to pick up his car from the shop. Sounds easy enough...and then I saved the day.

I figured he "knew" the way there, and by "knew" I of course mean I assumed he could get us there. I brought my GPS along so that after diving him to the auto-shop I could speed off home (and to yummy yummy Chinese take-out) and not have to worry about figuring out hoe to get home by myself.

Great plan until...

He had no idea how to get there. This I should have realized by the directions written on a piece of paper before he got in his car and I began to follow him, but I knew I could get home so I didn't really care which end of bumblefuck we ended up in.

Thus, after a few exits, some side streets we ended up in a parking lot and him coming to my window saying "Uhhhh, can I just give you the address and follow you and your GPS?"

We get there, drop off his rental, we leave for the auto shop to get his-

Him: "Holy shit dude!"

Me" "What's up?!"

Him: "I left my cell phone in the rental!"

Me: "Shit."

Him: "They close in 7 minutes."

Me: "Dude."

At this point I went from calm driver to (my favorite driving me) crazy-race-car driver. Some tire spinning and disregard for the posted speed limits later we were back to calming cruising to the auto shop...cell phone in hand.

And of course once we got there: "Can I follow you and your GPS home?"

Moral of the story: assume the best, prepare for the worst, and always bring the GPS!

Sickly studying scientific silicates

Many moons ago after being sick for 4 or 5 days and blowing yellow icky stuff out of my nose I decided to see the doc at the University health center. Having spent most of my Middle/High School years never getting colds and only getting sinus infections I was certain that some anti-biotics were soon to be handed over to yours truly.

Now, the health center folks here at University don't like giving anti-biotics and for good reason, anti-biotic resistant bugs are on the rise and they suck. So, they only give them out when they are 100%, proof positive, sure-to-the-max that the only thing between the guy in the black hood with the farm implement and life is anti-biotics.

So, having been under the weather for close to a week...no it was more like 7 or 8 days...having been sick for over a week I was confident that they would hand over the goods. I was also confident I could name the product they would give me, since I had had them all when I was younger.

So the doc sees me.

Inconclusive. No fever. Fuck that.

He comes back in with a little bag full of decongestants, antihistamines, and ibuprofen (well, none of that since I had enough to make a hippo not feel it's legs back in my room) and a list of how to cure just about anything.

Let me give you the short version: take drugs, drink lots water, sleep.

It worked then...it is sorta working now.

I picked a great time to get sick: a day before a date, a day before a weekend (that was negated by the fact that...), 3 days before a mid-term exam.

So far the only thing that really made feel good was the two Jameson and teas I had Friday afternoon. But hey, to each their own right?

When is it "over"?

Recently a close friend of mine has been battling her own demons of getting over her ex-boy friend. Her story is long and drawn out. It involves an over involved mother and a boyfriend who is more than wiling to bend to that mother's will. It is tragic because he was a really nice guy and he really truly loved her.

But. In the end. He caved to his mother...and threw my friend away.

She deserved better than to be tossed away like a used tissue and it has been something that we have all held against him ever since.

The thing is though, she doesn't want it to be over, and I get the feeling he doesn't either. She went away to Europe days after he broke up with her and all of us felt that this was an excellent opportunity for her to make that clean break (out of sight, out of mind) that we all wish we can have at the end of a relationship, but she didn't want it.

She missed him and felt that there was room for recovery. And against all of our advice, she let him drive her to the airport for her European excursion. It ended up being harmless, but the return trip wasn't. I wanted to tell her that the reasons that they had broken up wouldn't go away. That his mother would always be there. That his willingness to be influenced by his mother would be there whether they had broken up or if she to back together with him.

But she holds to hope.

Unfortunately they also live 5 minutes walking...WALKING distance from each other......that's kinda...awkward.

So with her and him...things aren't really over as a relationship would be in any normal sense (but, as I've realized, there is no such thing as normal...ever).

Her break up has caused me to confront my own demons of my break up with my last love on more than one occasion. When I broke up with my last girlfriend it was a difficult decision. It was one filled with weakness and boredom and sorrow and transcendence and freedom and captivity. It was a rash decision made at a time when I wanted out and when she was quickly replaced with drinking and copious amounts of thesis work.

And for a time I was fine...not happy, but definitely fine.

And then my thesis was handed in. Over and done with. And I asked my self, "What did I do before my thesis?" And I realized, "O yeah, I had a girlfriend." And the hole in my heart, that had remained dormant for months, burned and burned and weighed me down and I truly realized what I had lost and it hurt. And for the next 6 weeks I hated my self a little bit every day for giving up on a relationship that had been so wonderful; hindsight being 20/20...of course ;-).

And it wasn't until the end...the last few days of school (though it wasn't even school at that point) that I realized that I had to tell her how much I missed her. That I realized that if I didn't tell her that I would never tell her how I felt and it would ache inside of me forever!

So I did.

And she felt the same way.

And for a few precious days before oblivion I had a moment of what was. And I had closure. On what was and what would never be again.

But that didn't make it any easier. And then I saw a movie and was able to disconnect from reality for a couple hours and got over her...mostly.

That was the start of June. I spent the next 3 months picking up the pieces and moving on.

When my friend and her boyfriend split, it brought all of my previous emotions back to the surface and I needed to remove my self and go home for a few days because I was in a difficult spot: on the one hand I wanted to tell her to have a clean break, but on the other hand I had had my own experience of a second chance and couldn't tell her to move on with a clean conscience.

She went to Europe and all was good...and then she came back and things were good...until they weren't.

She hung-out with him one night because she had to give him some stuff back and the next day she was a mess. We're talking about one of my strongest friends...and she was falling apart at the seems.

And she was right where I was months ago. Her problem was that she spent time with him and everything felt comfortable and familiar. Everything that gave me my despair for my last 6 weeks of school she was feeling now, and I felt helpless to stop her pain.

It is such an empty platitude to tell someone that "Time heals all wounds" or that "It will all feel better in time". However, it is the truth. But I want to tell her something more fulfilling than a platitude like that. And on the other hand I want to hypocritically dash all hopes of a reconciliation between her and her beau, regardless of my past experiences.

I am lost. Trapped between what I know to be the accepted truth and my personal experience.

in her case, I feel that she should ultimately find her space and use it to move on, because without it she will not move on. I started to move on the second I wasn't being confronted with my past every day I walked down the street. She doesn't have the luxury of a continent of separation and will have to rely on her own will to make it happen.

I think she is strong enough, but I also feel she will go through a lot of personal, emotional pain before she reaches that point of true transcendence of her past relationship and be able to move on. It took me a few months and 3,000 miles. She will have to do it with far fewer miles.

Here's to my friend!

Movie Review: The Expendables

If I had to summarize my feelings about the film in one word: Disappointing.

For a movie that had so much promise, it really came up short. As an action film is was mediocre. The plot was a little too general and had too many things pulling it in different directions to be truly coherent. There was also no real "bad guy". There were guys who were bad, but no real antagonist. The main bad guys in the film are an ex-CIA agent who is using a General-turned-Dictator to continue to grow cocaine on a small island in the Gulf of Mexico. Oh, and the agent's body guard (played by 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin).

Stalone and company are mercenaries hired to take out the general and through the general the rogue CIA agent. This sounds simple enough and the movie could have spent a good deal of time discussing the build up to the mission, planning, personal issues with the mission as a vehicle into personal issues with life in general. Instead the movie isn't about a job, but Stalone deciding to rescue the team's contact on the island by himself...but his friends won't let him do it alone so they come alone also. It is an attempt to humanize the characters, but in the end it becomes about a girl and not something bigger like freeing the people or finishing the job for the job's sake. Not that a girl isn't worth an action movie, but it weakened the plot from being a team effort to being about everyone preventing the boss from killing himself on a suicide mission.

There were some action movie things that were done well. The movie respected the fact that it is possible to run out of ammo, which was played up in one particular pistol-rapid-reload scene. Additionally, the fighting used a considerable amount of wrestling moves which was visually more interesting than the normal close-quarters combat seen in movie like the Bourne Trilogy.

Over all, I have to give the move a C-. Ultimately, the dialog was as to be expected, but the plot was tugged in too many directions, the action wasn't over the top enough for the talent of actors involved, and I should not leave a 100 minute film feeling like it was only an hour long and wanting more.

Things I'm thankful for today

Meg Fowler does this on her blog and I have been meaning to create such a list, but always lost the thoughts and right now I have a lot I want to put down:

• my heels
• dusty wood floors
• being cold and wet
• waking up at 6 AM
• fog and clouds
• Down Under Chardonnay
• crab meat
• watching a movie and getting something different out of it every time
• Natalie Portman
• aches and pains in forgotten, yet familiar places
• my beard
• twins
• ice
• the way time moves in nature
• long drives and 100 mph
• always finding the country station
• the Connecticut River
• recovery through sleep

Trying to keep it together

Pulling an all nighter is all about perseverance, will power, and personal pride. No one pulls all nighter's for fun. Sure, you might "stay up all night" working on something, but you still went to bed at 7AM to get an hour or two of sleep before going into work or class. A real all nighter takes a drive to do something truly silly for a goal that is never really worth it, but you do it anyway so you can wear it like a badge of honor. Those who have been there are inviting in conversation and discuss it with you like a combat veteran. Those that have tried and failed look on with awe and bewilderment, asking themselves the questions that haunt you during the long hours of the night: was it really worth it? How did they do it? Why are they that dumb to submit themselves to it?

It all began when my advisor convinced these technicians to come show us a piece of equipment. Now I had used this at other schools, but we were doing a "demo" to see how it worked so that my advisor could write a better grant to buy one and so we could get the machine to ourselves to run samples.

The goal was to convince them to let us keep it overnight to run samples. Other people in my department weren't optimistic, I admit even I had my doubts, but when the time came they came up with the idea to let us have it overnight to run the samples we wanted to run.

We finished that batch five hours ago, and now my lab assistant and I are working straight through the night to run as many of our samples as possible so she has data for her poster session next week...and so we can avoid a four hour road trip to and from Boston next week (which we still might need).

This is a little easier than my last all nighter in the fact that I haven't caffeinated yet...yet. Last time I had a red bull around 2AM and another around 4AM or 5AM and then coffee and other high caffeine drinks throughout the day. By the time I finally went to bed I had been up for over 40 hours and woke up into caffeine withdrawal and haven't had coffee since.

I'll probably take a 5-hour Energy at some point to make it through the morning/day. I foresee and early crash on this Thursday night and hating myself on Friday. But at least the samples will be finished.

104 days til Acadia: Heat running and some musings

Short run today, around two and three quarters miles (quarter miles?) and boy is it HOT! It was well into the 90's all day long. I was thinking that maybe I would take the day off, but since I already took Sunday off, I knew I just had to get out there and put some miles down...even if it wasn't even 3.

Now, according to some websites, the royal "they" say that 2 weeks is the appropriate amount of time to adjust to running in extreme heat. This of course doesn't mean it doesn't suck any less! The run was fine, and I think tomorrow I will extend it a bit by making it a loop, because it does feel like it goes by fast.

I haven't run this little in a while, though I do seem to run at a more even and consistent pace now, as opposed to before when I would essentially sprint the first mile and half or so, then crash for the second mile before I finally settled into a good pace. I'm running around 9 to 9:30 miles, which isn't fast at all, but it what it is is comfortable and feels like something I can maintain indefinitely...which I think I will need for Acadia...I think.

Also I realized today that most of my underwear is some shade of grey or blue. I don't know how this happened or how I didn't realize until now, but they are. I don't find this to be an issue of any sort...just interesting.

Now I have to pay my electric bill...

107 days til Acadia: Hot stuff and Lazy days

So last week I never went on that long run...I went to happy hour instead, and had a great time thank you very much! This then continued as a trip to NYC for the weekend (in which i did a lot of walking around...mostly ending up on the East side of Central Park and have to walk to the West side only to realize there is a giant lake in the middle...yeah, i missed that on the map) and then home on Monday.

And thus Tuesday was the end of my extended break. 4 miles Tuesday, 4 miles Wednesday, (break Thursday) and then 4 grueling miles today in which I realized the importance of continued hydration: i. e. DO IT! Today was warmer than it has been and I admit that I haven't been hydrating myself very well the past few days. This is something I will rectify for this weekend!

Other than that I have yet to breach 8 miles in one run and haven't done more than 15ish in a week so I've still got a lot of work to do before I am anywhere near ready for October.

115 Days to Acadia: why I hate running in the morning

Distance: 4 miles

Total Time: 42.08

Pace: 10.32

So yesterday I went running with a friend of mine in the morning. It was the first time since crew sophomore year where I had done a workout in the morning after having done one the previous afternoon. Needless to say I was less than pleased to be waking up at 7 to go running in the hot sun.

You see, in the mornings the sun, especially in the summer, is already out and only getting higher. So not only are you continuously losing shadow, but you are gaining heat. Not a fun combination. "But isn't the race at 8AM? Won't that be morning?" Well yes, but then I will have gone to bed at like 10PM the night before and gotten up super early and be ready to go.

Yesterday was not that case.

Additionally, my friend is a slower runner than I which is one of the reasons the pace was so slow. I was groggy, tired, hot, and sore, but even then the pace felt slow. Today I hope to complete a quick (quick being a relative term of course) 8 mile jog, which will make my mile total for the week 18.5, an ok mileage, but going forward I'm going to need some more!

Well, we'll see how this afternoon goes.

Oh! Also, I now have a new reason to graduate on time: a 1962 Pontiac Tempest Le Mans Convertible. My mom's boss has one that has been siting in his garage for around a decade and I explained to her that (not this coming winter/spring) next summer/fall I should have a job and that by the winter/spring of 2012 I should have enough money to buy it off of him if he still has it.

One more reason to finish my research and get a job.

117 Days to Acadia: a "blah" run in the rain

Miles: 4

Total Time: 40.24

Pace: 10.06 per mile

After lab today I was feeling really tired. I woke up early to go running with a friend who bailed on me...while I was sleeping. So I still woke up really early, only to toss and turn for another hour and get up for real.

So this afternoon I was tired, plus I had a big, greasy, heavy lunch so I was just sleepy as all hell. But I knew I had to go running, even if it was to just put some miles down. So I gathered my self together around 6pm and went for my run, in a light drizzle.

Now I knew from the start I was going slow. What felt good though was the fact that I felt like I could run for an eternity at that pace. Which is good because it is around the pace I want to do the marathon at.

So, now it is off to bed so I can get up and run in the morning!

To Acadia I boldly go!

So...the other week I did a 7 mile race and I had made the claim to my friends Maggie and Hannah (who ran it with me) that if I could complete the race in under an hour I would run the Acadia National Park Marathon with Miss Margret. I, however, failed.

Final time: 1 hour 1 minute 26 seconds. It was a little soul crushing to go the whole race and come so close to my goal, but it was a fine time considering I only trained for like a week and a half and it was only my second time running a distance that far...but it is still only 1 minute and 26 seconds from my goal.

So Mags (yes, I call her by multiple names) poked fun and said, "So I guess you're not doing that marathon, huh?" And I thought...for about 2 seconds, and decided I would do the marathon anyway.

So now I am running a marathon in October. Luckily I live with two former cross country/track kids so I am pretty sure I can get in shape for it in 3 months. My suggested goal is to work up to and maintain 40 miles a week. That is about 6 miles a day, running every day. I am going to work around that to long runs on weekends, shorter runs during the week, which is what most people do.

But...I should be recording my times to keep track of progress and to know how many miles I am doing. As such here is where I start keeping track:

Monday's Workout: 10 laps around the track (2.5 miles) with 10 sit-ups and 10 push ups before each lap.

Lap 1: 3.12

Lap 2: 3.19

Lap 3: 3.30

Lap 4: 3.27

Lap 5: 3.26

Lap 6: 3.38

Lap 7: 3.51

Lap 8: 3.41

Lap 9: 3.39

Lap 10: 3.25

Total: (I already cleared my watch, but I remember it being 35-ish minutes and change)

The movies I saw this week

MacGruber: Piece of shit. Not even remotely funny. Maybe it was just not my type of comedy, maybe some SNL skits should stay on SNL, maybe studios should stop putting all the best scenes in the trailers. The story was recycled (former military bad-ass now lives in a monastery, but the government needs him for one more job) and many of the things that were supposed to be funny got old real fast (like taking the lunch box sized radio out of his car every time he gets out). I had doubts about this movie going in, but my friend said is was hilarious...last time I take movie advice from a film major! Don't waste your money on this film!

Splice: Actually pretty good. I wanted to see a movie Saturday afternoon, but didn't want to go see one that my house mates would want to see later (since I was going alone) so I went on metacritic to see what the score was and read a review or two and it was getting really good reviews. So I went and I enjoyed it. I don't want to give away anything about it, but I came out of the theater feeling a little creeped out and a little dirty (sex with things that are not 100% human is a little freaky).

Prince of Persia: Beer+Action movie=Good time. The formula never fails, and neither did Prince of Persia. It was a summer block-buster that delivered on action and was incredibly fast paced. There just was no lag, there was always something going on and it really kept the story alive and flowing. Also there were neat little plot twists along the way which made the movie fun.

Killers: Almost good... mostly alright. This film looked like a dumbed down Mr. & Mrs. Smith and it sort of is exactly that. The acting was surprisingly flat, but the dialog was truly good considering the fluff that the film was. The action scenes were surprisingly well thought out and well shot. Catherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are not action stars, but in terms of romantic comedy the film did really work. I would recommend this as a date film because it covers a lot of territory about relationships from meeting to getting married to dealing with parents. I would have liked it more had I had a date. Instead I was hung over and looking for something easy to do for a couple hours and it filled the time nicely.

*Update* The Gorgeous Girl

Since the posting of my last...post, I have found out that The Gorgeous Girl is in fact already in a relationship.

Yeah, bummer. I found out from a mutual friend, who didn't find out until two days ago so I feel less bad about being in the dark, but wow...bummer.

Well, lots of fish in the sea, life goes on, (insert platitude here).

And now for some words of wisdom:

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. ~Abraham Lincoln

The Babe, the Gorgeous Girl, and the Buick

Now, drunken blog posts are the windows to the soul but no words after something like what I wrote means one of two things: something happened or I got lazy, again...or in this case both.

Now if you are too lazy to look down two posts, let me summarize: missed my ex-girlfriend, still had feelings for her, and the plan was to suck it up and deal with it until graduation. Well, life has a funny way of happening and life happened to me that Thursday morning when I went to retrieve my bike from her place. It was the last thing that neither of us had returned of the other...mostly because I had no where to put it and didn’t want to deal with it. So I went over, woke her up, and got my bike back.

Or at least that’s part of the story.

We ended up talking and just staring out from her porch and enjoying the beauty of the morning. Then she got dressed and we napped on the couch on her front porch and I thought that it was as good a time as any to tell her that I missed her. And she felt the same way. And then we kissed.

I have never felt this way about an ex-girlfriend before in my life. I don’t really believe in second chances. I feel that if you break up with someone you break up with them for a reason and it is over. But when she said she missed me also I just felt like the feelings I still had for her were vindicated.

That night we met up again and she asked me why I was kissing her. Normally, a little intoxicated and just being me, I would have frozen at having to try and come up with an answer, but for what might be the first time in my life I had one of the those moments of extreme clarity and everything that my friends had ever told me about not blaming only myself for break-ups and ‘it takes two to tango’ came rushing back and I said told her that the reason I was there was not because I wanted to be there or because she wanted me there, but because we both wanted to be there. This confused her, but I never was the best with words.

The concept of ‘it takes two’ had never really sunk in until then. I had always thought that when things happen they happened because one person made them happen, but even in the most one sided situations no one person can take the credit or the blame for the way a situation plays out. Both people play a role in the way things unfold. In this case, we both had feelings for each other and both wanted to be together again, if only for a little while.

For the next two nights we were able to reconnect, not on a physical level, but on an emotional level and I feel that we are better friends than before that morning that I went to get my bike.

The problem for me was the feelings didn’t go away when graduation was over and I worried about how this would affect me since there is another girl who I have feelings for and hope to start a relationship with eventually (nickname: The Gorgeous Girl, per my previous style of blogging). Then I went to see a movie called Robin Hood.

Now, for me, movies are a really great way of escaping from everything. I always come out of a movie with a feeling from the movie. If it is an action movie a feel ready to go blow something up or get in a sword fight.

Robin Hood was supposed to be a bad movie. We had heard it got terrible reviews and that one reviewer had fallen asleep in the movie it was so boring. So my friend and I went to go see it with very low expectations, but it turned out to not be that bad! It was actually kinda fun, if only a bit confusing in the beginning. But after I came out of the movie I felt...better. I am not saying I am 100% over my ex now, I don’t think anyone is ever completely over someone else, but I can say I am certainly in a better place emotionally going forward.

I feel that I can give myself entirely to my work this summer and to any future relationship because I have had this real conclusion to the relationship I had with my ex. I don’t feel like there any loose ends I wish I had tied up and I am glad about the way this ended and I am ready for what comes next in my life.

Oh, and my mom bought a Buick.

Eat it!

The KFC Double Down has been built up to be a new epic eat from the house of the Colonel and now I have the delicious pleasure of telling you what it's all about!

What I expected: Two super fried pieces of chicken with yellow American cheese and bacon! 6 to 8 inches in length and make me wanna puke after I finished it.

What it actually was: very manageable. The fried chicken breasts/tenders were very lightly breaded and greasy as opposed to the nice crispiness I was expecting. The cheese was white...but probably still American. The chicken was tender and very juicy as opposed to the dry shoe leather I thought I was going to get. It was also small, about the size of a burger. It was also quite tasty; all those "secret" herbs and spices.

Final Conclusion: A food that is mostly for shock value, but actually not half bad.

And what would you entitle self pity?

Tonight I went to a party and had fun. I gossiped with a friend about friends (which was the highlight of the night) and I had my house mate talk about how he was going to get belligerently drunk (speaking of which, I don't know where he is...). Everything was going well until my ex-girlfriend showed up.

So. a little background. My ex and I had broken up over Thanksgiving (not a lot of thanks to give that weekend) and didn't talk again until mid-April. Things were fine: I thought she hated my guts and we never saw each other. Simple enough, right? But then I wanted to patch things up and asked her to coffee. That's when things change-ed.

At coffee everything felt normal...comfortable even...almost as if we had never broken up. It was at this point when the hateful lover known as "regret" showed up. Regret...so easy to bed, but never ever the satisfying partner you are looking for. The drink that is always lacking in sweetness, alcohol, and volume, but never in bitterness.

It was here where I began to question my decision of breaking up with my ex: were things really that bad 5 months ago? Could we have gotten through it? How would things be now if I had held on a little longer? Committed a little bit more?

I'll never know, but this is how I have felt since we had coffee. To be honest to the audience, I usually feel this way when I have had a little bit to drink (or, like tonight, when I have a lot a bit to drink) and run into my ex and realize what I don't have anymore.

So, I ran into my ex. And she was wearing the dress she had first modeled for my mom and I in the fall and that she wore to Halloween to complement my costume. Not critical, but she looked great. And we chatted/flirted as if things had never changed, but the change that was very real was that when she walked away she walked away. When I left..I left alone.

I guess I had gotten used to my ex-girlfriends not talking to me post break-up and making moving on easier, but this most recent on has really thrown me.

Never have I had to face "what could have been" so bluntly before. Now, of course there are reasons we broke up. Though we get along as friends, there are in fact deeper levels where we are incompatible (my sunny outlook on life and her depression for one of many). But the fact remains that hind sight is 20/20 and the glasses are ALWAYS rosy.

As my best friend pointed out to me tonight and (I am sure) will keep pointing out to me, there were reasons that I felt the relationship should end and they weren't wrong. But I can't help but feeling that I might have made a mistake and that the rough spot we were going through could have been worked through.

Ok, self pity over.

Goodnight!

Lever 2000: Don't call it soap!

Funny thing happened at the store yesterday.

I was starting to run low on soap so I went to get some more. I am a bar-to-body kind of guy so I grabbed a double pack of Lever 2000, since it was the only one on the shelf at my University super market that didn't double as tooth paste/shampoo/orderless wildlife food. As I was leaving I looked down at the packaging and realized that no where on the box did it say that it was soap.

No where.

In fact, on the back it says that it is a better moisturizer than soap, implying that it isn't soap at all! Now, people told me that it should be obvious from the shelf of other soaps that it is soap, but I still find it ridiculous that the packaging doesn't say what is inside it. Even Kleenex says "Facial Tissue" on the box, despite the fact everyone uses the brand as the name for the product.

I had to go to the website and even then they are reluctant to admit that they are selling soap. They call their product a deodorant bar soap.

To me, though, at the end of the day: soap is soap, no matter what euphemism you use.

Student Government: as interesting as CSPAN

So one of my house mates is the student body president and had been nagging me to show up to one of the open student union meetings that happen every Sunday night. Since it sounded as interesting as watching paint dry I always said no, but last night I broke down and went.

And boy was it boring. Nuances in the wording of statements to be sent to the administration, amendments to by-laws, committee reports, BLAH! God, I really wanted to leave half way in because I was afraid I would fall asleep!

There were a few positive things I learned through the 2 hour bore. The first is the professionalism that everyone had with the task at hand. The topics they were discussing were important, but them talking about adding a few "where as"'s here and an "at the discretion of" there was boring, but they all really seemed to know what they were talking about. And they were very passionate about it all.

They really were trying to do what was best for the student body and that really impressed me. They were dealing with topics like starting a University bike rental system and dealing with a possible open container policy (we currently have none, thank god!). Not only were they dealing with these issues they way the students would want them to be dealt with, they were dealing with it in a way the administration would respect and listen to.

Granted CSPAN and watching paint dry are just as exhilarating as the meeting I went to, but I really have a new found respect for the people who I've been electing over the past 4 years to represent my interests to the administration.

So what's wrong with...

wearing shorts over plaid pajama bottoms?

This morning I roll out of bed to play some Forza Motorsport 3 (racing game/simulator for the Xbox 360...super sweet game) when my house mate comes down and asks if I want to accompany him to watch the rugby game that my other house mate was playing in. Now, having literally rolled out of bed, I was still in my pajamas (pajama pants and a large t-shirt, the standard pajama affair) and I was not about to make my house mate wait while I showered and got dressed, so I threw a pair of shorts on over my bottoms and a flannel shirt over my tee and went out.

And boy the looks I got!

You'd think people had never seen shorts over pajama bottoms before! Well, needless to say I made a fashion statement and that statement was: yep, I just rolled out of bed and don't care about what I look like, nice to meet you, I'm sure you've seen weirder.

I mean, I don't see anything wrong with it. The pocket capacity of cargo shorts with the light warmth of pajama bottoms. Clearly I am on the cutting edge of this fashion trend.

I was losing @ COD: MW2 so i decided to blog

So I saw this movie a while back: The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, staring Carry Grant (love Carry Grant) and a very teenage Shirley Temple. It's about how this teenage girl falls in love with this artist and comedy ensues. The one thing I had never understood was what exactly a "bobby soxer" was exactly. And this week the term came up again in Reefer Madness and I thought it was time to look it up!

Wikipedia says the term was coined to denote over-zealous, impressionable, adolescent-teenage girls. It came from the bobby socks that they wore during school and especially school dances. Since the gym floors were (and still are) easily scuffed by shoes, dances were usually held in your socks (thus a "sock hop").

Pretty interesting, huh? I wonder if an equivalent term exists today? Jail-bait?

Anyway, bobby-soxer got me thinking about another term I had always used and never know the background of: lollygagger. It is a slang term that means a lazy person or someone who fools around. I'd always heard it in the context of "Quit lollygagging and get going!" Apparently, according to the ever credible Urban Dictionary, the term comes from kids eating lolly pops (the lolly part) and never taking them out of their mouths while they were eating them they'd just sit with them in their mouths (the gagging part) and not do anything productive.

So there! Interesting huh?

Test on the morrow!

Well, I say "test", but what I really mean is FINAL!!!

Yep, barely have had a week of breathing room since handing in my thesis and already have to ramp up and take a test. Luckily it is in a class I'm doing ok in (for the time being) and I (think I) have a good grasp on the information being cover.

You see that is the advantage to having a final exam before the actual end of a semester: there isn't an entire semester worth of work to cover and you don't have a final during finals week, which I think is the best part. Don't you?

It however means I have to lay off the bs-ing and actually do some productive studying this evening...as opposed to just calling my day over around 10:30 or 11 and going to bed. I'll be like an actual student again...weird.

Well, seeing as it's almost 8 and I haven't actually finished going over the study guide (yeah, I'm working on it) I should get back to work.

Movie review and some fun definitions tomorrow!

Movie Review: Reefer Madness: Movie Musical

The appropriate 420 celebratory film!

Reefer Madness centers on a high school couple from the 1930's and their fall into madness due to the horrors of...reefer. That was the original exploitation film from the 1930's that this film makes fun of at every available opportunity. From memorable numbers like "Listen to Jesus Jimmy" the film shows how hysteria can be manipulated to serve a purpose, in this case the demonizing of marijuana.

Kristen bell is hilarious and adorable in one of her first big roles before Forgetting Sarah Marshal. The rest of the cast is a mix of the original Broadway cast and character actors. Being a Showtime funded movie, it came out really well, with the use of sets and not trying too hard to turn a stage musical into a multidimensional movie.

Definitely a great movie to watch...inebriated, but also very funny to watch if you want just a light fluffy musical comedy. The songs and themes are so over the top and ridiculous that it is hard to not laugh through the whole film.

One of my favorite lines is when the two love interests are talking about Romeo and Juliet, having not read it, and referring to it with a pause after Romeo. Such that it sounds like: Romeo...AND Juliet. Clearly you have to see it to understand.

8/10

Back in the saddle-wagon-thing

Things I missed while writing my Senior thesis:

1) Webcomics.

2) Getting hilariously drunk(...but not the consequences).

3) Xbox

4) Leaving class work in class.

5) Being able to enjoy taking only one class

6) Formula One (just downloaded this weekend's Chinese GP, but know the winner anyway, darn sites and their spoilers!!!)

7) Reading blogs (just found a new one to follow today!)

8) Watching movies at night instead of...well, instead of NOT watching movies at night

9) Spending time helping people do interesting things

10) Working on my master's thesis...fuck