Now, drunken blog posts are the windows to the soul but no words after something like what I wrote means one of two things: something happened or I got lazy, again...or in this case both.
Now if you are too lazy to look down two posts, let me summarize: missed my ex-girlfriend, still had feelings for her, and the plan was to suck it up and deal with it until graduation. Well, life has a funny way of happening and life happened to me that Thursday morning when I went to retrieve my bike from her place. It was the last thing that neither of us had returned of the other...mostly because I had no where to put it and didn’t want to deal with it. So I went over, woke her up, and got my bike back.
Or at least that’s part of the story.
We ended up talking and just staring out from her porch and enjoying the beauty of the morning. Then she got dressed and we napped on the couch on her front porch and I thought that it was as good a time as any to tell her that I missed her. And she felt the same way. And then we kissed.
I have never felt this way about an ex-girlfriend before in my life. I don’t really believe in second chances. I feel that if you break up with someone you break up with them for a reason and it is over. But when she said she missed me also I just felt like the feelings I still had for her were vindicated.
That night we met up again and she asked me why I was kissing her. Normally, a little intoxicated and just being me, I would have frozen at having to try and come up with an answer, but for what might be the first time in my life I had one of the those moments of extreme clarity and everything that my friends had ever told me about not blaming only myself for break-ups and ‘it takes two to tango’ came rushing back and I said told her that the reason I was there was not because I wanted to be there or because she wanted me there, but because we both wanted to be there. This confused her, but I never was the best with words.
The concept of ‘it takes two’ had never really sunk in until then. I had always thought that when things happen they happened because one person made them happen, but even in the most one sided situations no one person can take the credit or the blame for the way a situation plays out. Both people play a role in the way things unfold. In this case, we both had feelings for each other and both wanted to be together again, if only for a little while.
For the next two nights we were able to reconnect, not on a physical level, but on an emotional level and I feel that we are better friends than before that morning that I went to get my bike.
The problem for me was the feelings didn’t go away when graduation was over and I worried about how this would affect me since there is another girl who I have feelings for and hope to start a relationship with eventually (nickname: The Gorgeous Girl, per my previous style of blogging). Then I went to see a movie called Robin Hood.
Now, for me, movies are a really great way of escaping from everything. I always come out of a movie with a feeling from the movie. If it is an action movie a feel ready to go blow something up or get in a sword fight.
Robin Hood was supposed to be a bad movie. We had heard it got terrible reviews and that one reviewer had fallen asleep in the movie it was so boring. So my friend and I went to go see it with very low expectations, but it turned out to not be that bad! It was actually kinda fun, if only a bit confusing in the beginning. But after I came out of the movie I felt...better. I am not saying I am 100% over my ex now, I don’t think anyone is ever completely over someone else, but I can say I am certainly in a better place emotionally going forward.
I feel that I can give myself entirely to my work this summer and to any future relationship because I have had this real conclusion to the relationship I had with my ex. I don’t feel like there any loose ends I wish I had tied up and I am glad about the way this ended and I am ready for what comes next in my life.
Oh, and my mom bought a Buick.
No comments:
Post a Comment