When you can't share with one person, share with everyone

Skins is a British show about a bunch of high schoolers and their lives. Their lives are full of drugs, alcohol, sex, and basically college, but condensed and run at full speed in hour long increments. The first two seasons were brilliant with a fantastic cast of young actors, and now the third season that I'm watching on netflix takes off with a new cast with the younger sister of one of the previous characters on the show in the new group of kids.

The first few episodes were so-so. The appropriate level of ridiculousness was there, but it was missing something. The episodes with the first cast had a unique completeness to them. Every episode ended with me asking for more. Every episode was like a night filled with drama in which you want to know the next day how it all works out because everything just hit the fan and you just have to see which walls get hit!

This third season did not have this. The characters did not have the depth that was so established in the characters of the first two seasons and every episode was very stand alone, without a connecting arc.

That was until I watched the forth episode. It had all of the over the top flair that the first cast had and ended in the classic "everyone loses, innocence lost" way that I loved form the first cast's seasons.

Plus, it had one of the most hilarious lines ever and I just had to share it with someone...anyone!

One girl to another: "Me, no muff muncher. Me cock cruncher."

Fantastic.

Pricked by a Rose, burned by Blush, and a return to Plan A

So my love life as of late has not gone as planned...or more like the plans changed so much there was no coherent plan.

So first there was the this one girl...let's call her Texas Rose. Now, Texas Rose and I had gone on a couple dates, kissed a couple times (literally) and I felt like there could be something (aside from the fact she was awesome and beautiful and I liked her) between us. But even I have to admit, in my heart of hearts, that there was something missing.

On our first date there was some spark missing. Now I was super sick, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the date felt more like work than a date. When you have a connection with someone, spending time with them should be effortless. It should flow like you've known each other forever.

We didn't have that. I began to wonder if there was no chemistry between us, which would have been a shame because she was gorgeous and awesome.

So then we had a second date and it was awesome! We stayed for over an hour after the bill came just talking. That spark was there!

And then everything cooled down...fast.

She was busy and never rescheduled for a 3rd date. So I invited myself along to a "friend date" with a friend of hers. Now, I know that sounds bad, but I knew this friend and I knew that both girls wouldn't mind if I as there since I knew them both.

So...we see this performance and then I'm walking her back to her place and she tells me that "I don't want to be rude, but..." warning lights already, but she said she had a paper to write and she couldn't let me in when we got to her place.

Cool.

Whatever.

I would have done it differently, but I'll go along with it. So we walk for another 10ft or so and she turns to me again and says, "And you know you don't have to walk me home either...right?"

Well fuck me sideways! It was then I realized that she had "FUCK OFF!" tattooed on her forehead and wished her the best on her paper and went on with the rest of my night.

My friends suggested I back off and let her come to me.

Ok.

She never did.

New plan: a friend...let's call her Blush (note, nicknames might be subject to change between stories) was newly single-ish and we used to have a thing. In my mind's eye now seemed like a better tie than not to start up our thing again. I told her I was coming to visit and another mutual friend was going to hangout with us also.

No prob. this mutual friend was 230% into the idea of us being together, so I saw this as encouragement. And hen this friend backed out.

Fucking perfect, a whole day with Blush and no one to get in the way. You couldn't ask for a better set-up.

And then the words of death. I asked Blush if it was to be just the two of us all day and she said "Yup! Just two SUPER PLATONIC BUDDIES!"

Well fuck me doubly sideways!!!

Shot down twice in the course of a few weeks.

One must persevere in times like this, so I am returning to Plan A. What is Plan A you might ask? Well, dear Watson, it is very elementary: get and oil job, move to Houston, set up a match(dot)com account, find love.

At least this way I can not care about next semester and regrow my beard.

:-)

Vindication via prostitutes!

I watch a show called Satisfaction. It is a Showtime Australia production about an upscale brothel in...I think Melbourne? The first and second seasons are on Netflix and I really enjoy it.

Showtime is one of those networks that says yes to nudity, while HBO "doesn't do that kinda shit". Just compare the series/shows they run and you'll no doubt find that the Showtime shows will always have more nudity.

And this being Showtime plus Australia means that nudity is taken to a very extreme everything-but-the-dangling-bits level. So it's fun.

Any who, the show is about the girls...women, who work at this high class brothel and in one episode the boyfriend of one of the girls cheats on her with another girl in the brothel (coke and booze may have been involved...not that that is an excuse) and it was quite shocking.

So the girl goes to her room mate (who is also an escort, but private and WAY more expensive) and asks if she should tell the girlfriend that she had slept with her boyfriend and the room mate responds with "Why would you do that? Do you hate her? Are you trying to destroy her?"

Thus bringing up something a wise man once said to me, which was that you never tell someone you've been cheating on them because though you may feel great to get it off your chest the person you were cheating on now feels like utter shit.

He doesn't like it when I quote him on that, but I felt it hilarious that his mantra was brought up on this show and thus his philosophy was vindicated by a prostitute!

He still hates it when I quote him on that.

The concept of parallel lines

We've all been here: one friend tells you something, usually very private or semi/mostly private. Being human you feel the need to share this info with someone.

Thus the issue: who to share it with. Obviously you made a pact with person A that the info will remain between you and them....but you need perspective and need/want to share it. But how?

You need to respect person A's wishes, but you need to pass along info. That whole deep seeded need and such.

So you turn to someone who doesn't know person A or...even better! Someone who knows person A, but never interacts with them. Thus creating the parallel pathway.

The parallel person knows what is going on . Knows who all the players involved are, but isn't involved and never will be.

This is a unique person. A favored confident. The one who you trust to not blow your spot when the time of calling calls.

These people may be spread out in your life, but in the end they keep your sanity in ridiculous situations and are there when you need perspective.

They rock. And in the end we love them so much for being there and being discrete while we do our things and stuff and they are there to secretly catch us and keep us going.

Morale of the story: secrets are meant to be kept...except when you have friends you trust who aren't involved. In which case, outside input+your own life experience=good advice for the friend who wanted the advice in the first place.

GPS FTW!!!

Today I went with a friend to return a rental car and then drive said friend to pick up his car from the shop. Sounds easy enough...and then I saved the day.

I figured he "knew" the way there, and by "knew" I of course mean I assumed he could get us there. I brought my GPS along so that after diving him to the auto-shop I could speed off home (and to yummy yummy Chinese take-out) and not have to worry about figuring out hoe to get home by myself.

Great plan until...

He had no idea how to get there. This I should have realized by the directions written on a piece of paper before he got in his car and I began to follow him, but I knew I could get home so I didn't really care which end of bumblefuck we ended up in.

Thus, after a few exits, some side streets we ended up in a parking lot and him coming to my window saying "Uhhhh, can I just give you the address and follow you and your GPS?"

We get there, drop off his rental, we leave for the auto shop to get his-

Him: "Holy shit dude!"

Me" "What's up?!"

Him: "I left my cell phone in the rental!"

Me: "Shit."

Him: "They close in 7 minutes."

Me: "Dude."

At this point I went from calm driver to (my favorite driving me) crazy-race-car driver. Some tire spinning and disregard for the posted speed limits later we were back to calming cruising to the auto shop...cell phone in hand.

And of course once we got there: "Can I follow you and your GPS home?"

Moral of the story: assume the best, prepare for the worst, and always bring the GPS!

Sickly studying scientific silicates

Many moons ago after being sick for 4 or 5 days and blowing yellow icky stuff out of my nose I decided to see the doc at the University health center. Having spent most of my Middle/High School years never getting colds and only getting sinus infections I was certain that some anti-biotics were soon to be handed over to yours truly.

Now, the health center folks here at University don't like giving anti-biotics and for good reason, anti-biotic resistant bugs are on the rise and they suck. So, they only give them out when they are 100%, proof positive, sure-to-the-max that the only thing between the guy in the black hood with the farm implement and life is anti-biotics.

So, having been under the weather for close to a week...no it was more like 7 or 8 days...having been sick for over a week I was confident that they would hand over the goods. I was also confident I could name the product they would give me, since I had had them all when I was younger.

So the doc sees me.

Inconclusive. No fever. Fuck that.

He comes back in with a little bag full of decongestants, antihistamines, and ibuprofen (well, none of that since I had enough to make a hippo not feel it's legs back in my room) and a list of how to cure just about anything.

Let me give you the short version: take drugs, drink lots water, sleep.

It worked then...it is sorta working now.

I picked a great time to get sick: a day before a date, a day before a weekend (that was negated by the fact that...), 3 days before a mid-term exam.

So far the only thing that really made feel good was the two Jameson and teas I had Friday afternoon. But hey, to each their own right?

When is it "over"?

Recently a close friend of mine has been battling her own demons of getting over her ex-boy friend. Her story is long and drawn out. It involves an over involved mother and a boyfriend who is more than wiling to bend to that mother's will. It is tragic because he was a really nice guy and he really truly loved her.

But. In the end. He caved to his mother...and threw my friend away.

She deserved better than to be tossed away like a used tissue and it has been something that we have all held against him ever since.

The thing is though, she doesn't want it to be over, and I get the feeling he doesn't either. She went away to Europe days after he broke up with her and all of us felt that this was an excellent opportunity for her to make that clean break (out of sight, out of mind) that we all wish we can have at the end of a relationship, but she didn't want it.

She missed him and felt that there was room for recovery. And against all of our advice, she let him drive her to the airport for her European excursion. It ended up being harmless, but the return trip wasn't. I wanted to tell her that the reasons that they had broken up wouldn't go away. That his mother would always be there. That his willingness to be influenced by his mother would be there whether they had broken up or if she to back together with him.

But she holds to hope.

Unfortunately they also live 5 minutes walking...WALKING distance from each other......that's kinda...awkward.

So with her and him...things aren't really over as a relationship would be in any normal sense (but, as I've realized, there is no such thing as normal...ever).

Her break up has caused me to confront my own demons of my break up with my last love on more than one occasion. When I broke up with my last girlfriend it was a difficult decision. It was one filled with weakness and boredom and sorrow and transcendence and freedom and captivity. It was a rash decision made at a time when I wanted out and when she was quickly replaced with drinking and copious amounts of thesis work.

And for a time I was fine...not happy, but definitely fine.

And then my thesis was handed in. Over and done with. And I asked my self, "What did I do before my thesis?" And I realized, "O yeah, I had a girlfriend." And the hole in my heart, that had remained dormant for months, burned and burned and weighed me down and I truly realized what I had lost and it hurt. And for the next 6 weeks I hated my self a little bit every day for giving up on a relationship that had been so wonderful; hindsight being 20/20...of course ;-).

And it wasn't until the end...the last few days of school (though it wasn't even school at that point) that I realized that I had to tell her how much I missed her. That I realized that if I didn't tell her that I would never tell her how I felt and it would ache inside of me forever!

So I did.

And she felt the same way.

And for a few precious days before oblivion I had a moment of what was. And I had closure. On what was and what would never be again.

But that didn't make it any easier. And then I saw a movie and was able to disconnect from reality for a couple hours and got over her...mostly.

That was the start of June. I spent the next 3 months picking up the pieces and moving on.

When my friend and her boyfriend split, it brought all of my previous emotions back to the surface and I needed to remove my self and go home for a few days because I was in a difficult spot: on the one hand I wanted to tell her to have a clean break, but on the other hand I had had my own experience of a second chance and couldn't tell her to move on with a clean conscience.

She went to Europe and all was good...and then she came back and things were good...until they weren't.

She hung-out with him one night because she had to give him some stuff back and the next day she was a mess. We're talking about one of my strongest friends...and she was falling apart at the seems.

And she was right where I was months ago. Her problem was that she spent time with him and everything felt comfortable and familiar. Everything that gave me my despair for my last 6 weeks of school she was feeling now, and I felt helpless to stop her pain.

It is such an empty platitude to tell someone that "Time heals all wounds" or that "It will all feel better in time". However, it is the truth. But I want to tell her something more fulfilling than a platitude like that. And on the other hand I want to hypocritically dash all hopes of a reconciliation between her and her beau, regardless of my past experiences.

I am lost. Trapped between what I know to be the accepted truth and my personal experience.

in her case, I feel that she should ultimately find her space and use it to move on, because without it she will not move on. I started to move on the second I wasn't being confronted with my past every day I walked down the street. She doesn't have the luxury of a continent of separation and will have to rely on her own will to make it happen.

I think she is strong enough, but I also feel she will go through a lot of personal, emotional pain before she reaches that point of true transcendence of her past relationship and be able to move on. It took me a few months and 3,000 miles. She will have to do it with far fewer miles.

Here's to my friend!